Fear is like a virus that is passed down from generation to generation. And unfortunately, the only people who have the strength to overcome it are the ones who suffer the most.
Think of war, particularly our white blood cells that attack foreign objects coming into our bloodstream. When we get sick, it is an immunological response to something foreign that may kill us. Our body temperatures will rise, we may vomit frequently and just feel like total hell–but if the body didn’t have the capability to fight, we would just be dead. Pain then, is actually a way for the things we can’t see, to tell us that the smaller forces are doing their job.
As Jiddu Krishnamurti once stated, fear is a result of thought and time. The more we think about something that has happened, or of what might happen, the more fearful we become. Many of our parents, peers and coworkers have built a life based on the blueprint of someone else; and yet they are surprised when their decisions don’t allow them happiness. This is where the fear begins, because memories of failure are compounded over time with the pain they cause.
Seldom in our lives, are the comments that are made about us, actually about us. If you’re not good at something now, you can get better. If you have flaws that bother others, you can always work on them–no one is without them. But most importantly, if you didn’t have what it takes to win, you wouldn’t be suffering right now. Because suffering (in the positive light) is a bitch of a blessing for living.
“The door is there, and the key in your hand.” — Jiddu Krishnamurti
When we doubt ourselves, we doubt the universe from which we are manifested. And the universe makes no mistakes. If we doubt its ability to produce a path for us, we won’t take steps forward to pursue our goals. If we doubt its ability to solve obstacles in our path, we won’t be able to see that the “obstacle eventually becomes the way.”
Our best thinking brought us to where we are today. If it’s not where we want to be, we need to think differently. There is always much more to learn, and learning is thriving. If we grow comfortable with the way we think, we eventually seek out those who validate us rather than challenge us and our narrow way of thinking. We trap ourselves to a certain fate. But if we knew we were trapped, wouldn’t we want to search for the way out if we had even a little chance of finding it? As Jiddu Krishnamurti once stated, “The door is there and the key is in your hand.” With knowing where the key is, we just need the demonstrate the courage to deal with the unknown outside the prison walls of our familiar thinking. If we fear what is out there, we are no better off than being voluntary prisoners. But what is there to fear really, when the universe outside our reality are also a part of us? There is nothing that is truly foreign to us, because just as we were manifested, so was everything else around us by the universe. The more unknowns we are willing to accept, the freer we become. And then, we can realize our true nature and the connection of the universe.
The minds of different people see the world differently. Some people can have minds that process a lot of information like a powerful V8 engine. And others may have a 4-cylinder that is more than enough power to sustain analytical productivity. Do you know what type of mind you have, and is it suited for success in what you’re doing?
More powerful doesn’t necessarily mean better. Often times, people with overactive minds tend to process a lot more information than others. This doesn’t mean they are better or more intelligent, but rather that they are better suited for making connections between things. For artistic minds, if all of the cylinders are not fired to accomplish a large, complicated task, the leftover energy gets transferred into boredom, self-analysis, and creation of falsehoods about ourselves. An artistic mind needs a more challenging path in the form of complex problems.
Every path we take in our lives has its own challenges, so it’s important to use the right tool for the right job.It doesn’t matter how powerful of a car you have, a 500+ horsepower engine driven into the ocean is a massive failure. In this instance, even a rowboat is more efficient than drowned car. From childhood, we start learning societal social norms and are expected to follow the paved path/freeway that is often: work your 9-5, raise a family, be amiable, retire, travel. There is nothing wrong with this path, but if the thought of this makes us uncomfortable then we are not meant for that life. Unfortunately, the majority of people today have falsely convinced themselves that this is the most secure path for them in life. But people that are not meant to belong in the corporate machine are adding more misery to an already overpopulated demographic. People have become so accustomed to travelling on this “normal” path, they forget to exit to refuel, to go fishing, to smell the roses, to go off-roading, to go camping. They forget why they were ever on this path or freeway in the first place. The V8’s are wasting way too much fuel idling in traffic, whereas they’re meant to go off-roading or something with that power elsewhere. People feel restless from having unused energy because their engine doesn’t match their road. They need to exit. Weneed to exit.
But not everyone needs to exit, because some are on a path that gives them true happiness. Just like how creatives are happy doing deep work, analytically-minded people cringe at the thought of processing so much data. What seems crazy to them, is easy for the V8 mind. And what V8 mind finds difficult (marketing, hitting deadlines, etc.) is where this mind is expert. Everything and everyone has their place in this interdependent web. The Analytical V4 is an efficient engine that gets shit done. Every bit of energy has a task or purpose, unlike the V8 mind that constantly needs direction and information. These V4 people are better suited for being goal-oriented and being to the point. Unlike the rowdy, boisterous artistic mind that thinks laterally from concept-to-concept to make connections, the analytical V4 thinks vertically in steps, from task to task. The analytical minds know their purpose. The artistic minds are conquering uncharted territory. They both need each other because the analytical minds are the ones that help the artistic minds realize their goals into reality. If Shakespeare was a V8, the entire cast of people, set design, lighting, etc. were the V4’s that helped realize his dream and plays. And each person was happy doing what they did (or so one would hope).
We both need each other to make movement happen, like Yin and Yang. The kind of engine or brain that we have isn’t an indication of our worth or ability. Each brain requires a different level of maintenance, and a different path to conquer. We shouldn’t be comparing abilities in the first place, but rather, how we can better help each other, and by extension ourselves by practicing self awareness. Success is different for everyone. Each person requires their own type of care and fuel: the care is meaningful relationships and the fuel is gratitude. Instead of being convinced by others to stay the course on the beaten path, let’s recognize the power of our engines and drive accordingly.
Jay-Ram is a former Industrial Chemist turned writer who aims to help others use deductive reason and the scientific process to gain deeper insight into people, and create deeper, meaningful relationships between his fellow humans.
You and I are all as much continuous with the physical universe as a wave is continuous with the ocean. — Alan Watts
You are enough, because you are actually many. Whenever we feel alone in our journey, exhausted and ready to give up, open your palms and look deep within to the core DNA of every cell. There, you will find the genetic memory of all of your ancestors who have succeeded. Let their energy carry you through the trials of your life, as their successes have carried them through theirs.
And when you shake the hand of another or embrace them, feel the universe within them and know that they too are on the journey of navigating the cosmos within themselves. The same spirit — The Tao, In Lak’ech, The Logos, Brahman — that resides within you, flows through them as well.
The different names for the energy that both encompass us and flow through us are like individual waves in the same cosmic ocean. The rise in the interest of spirituality during our current generation is no coincidence. If or when the next revolution will happen, it won’t be as much as tearing town physical walls as it will be for spiritual ones. The names of the deities and holy men may be lost to history, but the feelings and connections with people will always remain. Who was the greatest Shaman or Holy Man a billion years ago? How about more recent, say 10th millennium — 8,000 BC to 6,000 BC — ? It’s hard to say, but I’m sure people interacted with each other then, how we interact with each other today. Names may be lost to history, but our feelings and memories reside within us from long ago.
What our ancestors sought may not be much different than what we seek today. The human desire for connection is more prevalent than ever before, and perhaps one of the reasons why social media is so prevalent today: to facilitate creation of communities, and help people like ourselves find our tribe members. During a time where India, Rome, Latin America, China, etc. thought that they were the entire world because of geographical isolation, it was the need to connect and know about the existence of others like them that drove each empire to fund expeditions. What other motivation could be powerful enough to drive someone from the comfort of their homes, for months into rough seas?
Unfortunately, we now know how modern civilizations did a really poor job assimilating into indigenous cultures; usually ending up colonizing or enslaving them for the name of their God, profit and/or country. But it was ultimately their identities and the division of us/them that caused many of the complex problems associated with cultural ignorance. In our overall global culture today, is it a coincidence that the more scientific-minded we become, the more access we have to history, the more people seek connection with culturally different groups of other people? There may be some proof in how strong our ancestors’ desire to connect with each other was, because it seems like we are learning and more accepting of different cultures than ever before. We are beginning to see the soul of each other’s humanity.
There is much that we don’t know, nor ever will. But it doesn’t seem like life asks us much more than to do the best with what we know. What has happened before, will happen again, and will continue happening because of our vast ignorance. But during our lifetime on this planet, when we are able to see the first picture ever of a black hole in space, maybe we can dive deeper into the universe, within ourselves, and connect with the spirits of those who still continue to seek through us. We are them, they are us, but they and we are one energy, like ripples in one cosmic ocean.
Jay-Ram is a former Industrial Chemist turned writer who aims to help others use deductive reason and the scientific process to gain deeper insight into people, and create deeper, meaningful relationships between his fellow humans.
Do you feel defeated? So what if you failed at trying something new? You tried something new, learned something new. We learn to have faith in our wings by spreading them. By stirring wind beneath them, they carry us towards our goals. We cannot learn to fly if we’re constantly afraid of failing and falling. The more confidence we have in the strength of our wings, the less worried we become about falling.
Nature has an interesting way of organizing things. Let’s say we take a look at something as small as an atom of an element. We can find that it has its own set of properties. Depending on its characteristics, the atom will either bind with more things of the same element, or combine with something else to make an entirely new thing — to help that element find its most balanced state. This is very much like us as humans. We often hear the phrase “in their element” applied to people who are comfortable in their surroundings, and perhaps in the flow of what they are doing. To be in our element implies that we are the most simplest version of ourselves, amplifying our true self into the world through our words, actions and creations.
Often times, when we attract things into our life that don’t seem to feel right, people will also be prone to saying that “I’m sending out the wrong vibes into the universe.” There is some truth to it, but it is not as abstract or mysterious as we think. But rather, living any version of ourselves other than our true nature requires energy. There is a reason why actors go through intense emotional detox, possible psychosis, or take a hiatus from acting after a serious role: it requires a great deal of energy to pretend to be something we are not. When we yearn for the weekend, a drink, a vacation, or anything else outside of ourselves for a release, we are actually seeking release from the role we have convinced ourselves to play. Instead of giving ourselves permission to leave this play, we continue acting and hiding the true element of ourselves — the irony being that what we sought has always been within us. To find the people who are truly valuable to us, who bind well with our element, and to create the tribe or community we seek to enrich and uplift, we must first have the courage to expose our vulnerabilities and strengths, and unearth the hidden element of ourselves.
The constant and often unexpected challenges in our life can be exhausting to deal with. Fortunately, we are sometimes given respite from our struggle by experiencing moments of happiness. This temporary dose of endorphins helps us forget the daily grind and many of life’s deeper problems. There are many ways to achieve this sense of euphoria, but ultimately it can be achieved by two modes of action: retreat or advance from our problems. I would like to suggest “advancing” as a way to create a mental environment in our minds where happiness is more likely to grow. To advance towards the things we fear, by heightening our self-awareness and consciousness, relieves us of the need to get away, to exhaust ourselves from over-analysis, and to waste our time with indecision (retreating).
The way we perceive the world is through our minds, so it is important to cultivate a fertile environment where the seeds of peace and happiness can grow. For a good portion of my life, I thought that the goal of life was to be happy. But then, that belief metamorphosed into the philosophy that happiness isn’t the destination but the way. But something about this belief seemed to lack a balance between eternal optimism and the harshness of reality. I recently heard a piece of advice from @ryannicodemus from The Minimalists that helped me find that balance:
“I stopped chasing happiness once I realized that happiness is a symptom and not the purpose [of a life lived well].”
There are many things outside of our control in life, but the choice to advance towards (or retreat from) our fears is entirely up to us. Peace and happiness are scarce in many peoples’ lives because it is easier to run away, ignore, or justify our problems as a victim. If we handle our life as most other people do, then we too shall live an unremarkable life with unfulfilled dreams similar to those who complain about lack in their finances, love, health (exempt from certain situations) or career. The upside in demonstrating courage is exponentially high: to advance towards our problems, and realize that nothing short of physical death will stop us, allows us to go through them. What we fear, once conquered, transforms into an invigorating energy within us. We have been transformed. The new us can now aim higher and achieve things that our former couldn’t even concieve.
Advance through your fears, advance through your life. Retreat from your fears, retreat from your life.
Jay-Ram is a former Industrial Chemist turned writer who aims to help others use deductive reason and the scientific process to gain deeper insight into people, and create deeper, meaningful relationships between his fellow humans.
One of the skills that many of us can improve is our ability to make good decisions in spite of tempting short-term distractions. I’m probably just as guilty as the next person when it comes to being easily distracted, so I wanted to share with you a perspective that has helped me greatly ignore distractions and focus.
When it comes to decision making, most of us know the better decision, but we don’t necessarily do the better decision. This inconsistency comes from a lack of a challenging long-term goal that can give purpose and direction to our short-term goals. Without a challenging long-term goal, many of us end up living a mediocre complacent life consisting of unrelated short-term goals with no real direction. Buying a house, entering a serious relationship, having children, owning a business; other people are doing it and they seem happy, so we should too right?
We sometimes compare our decisions with others to see who is happier, but most people are just as clueless as we might be. Continuing to chase happiness in the dark and leaving things to chance will disallow us from achieving a deep level of satisfaction that comes from building something with purpose. Internalizing this truth is an important step towards truly understanding ourselves. If we know better, we should do better for the long-term goal. Many of us may have learned to focus on short-term thinking for a variety of different reasons. Learned habits from childhood, the illusion and seduction of temporary benefits (both material and pleasure), underestimating small harmful actions as being insignificant. Regardless of the reason, thoughts don’t have power unless they are manifested into the physical world through action. The smallest good action will have more gravity than the most evil thought and vice-versa. Our long-term goal should be coupled with massive actions completed through our short-term goals.
For good ideas to have the greatest positive effect in our lives, we must combine great thoughts with great action. We need to do as much as possible to cultivate and improve ourselves.The more we enrich ourselves spiritually, physically and intellectually, our words and actions will create an equally enriching life. Our actions are a testament to the way we think. As Aristotle once observed: we are what we repeatedly do.
The more we learn about others, the more we learn about ourselves. As Bruce Lee once said: “All knowledge is self-knowledge.” A good example of people achieving difficult long-term goals are artists and musicians who’ve successfully translated their abstract spirit into tangible art. We venerate these creative geniuses for giving shape to the abstract (seemingly) effortlessly, after many years of unseen practice. Leonardo da Vinci spent years observing cadavers just to figure out how muscle fibers, tendons and bones connect to one another. Frida Kahlo turned tragedy into deep self-exploration when she fell ill and spent many months confined to her bed.
Our physical world is shaped and transformed by our actions, so it’s especially important to make better decisions towards a specific long-term goal. Our job as a creative human species is to turn the abstract into the tangible–feelings into words, emotions into paintings, intensity into music–to achieve a level of unparalleled satisfaction. We are the artists and creators of our own life and the happiness within it. The words we speak and decisions we make can have consequences that will last much longer than our own short time on this planet. If we choose to live a happy life, that happiness will spread into the lives of those around us, seeping into the upcoming generations. Creating a positive, memorable and happy life is arduous work, and a privilege reserved for those of us willing to endure hard work and grow. Set your eyes on the big prize, and let everyone else fall for the shiny objects on the road. We have work to do.
We can always improve ourselves in small ways. But when we stop believing in our ability to make a change, we begin to suffer. If we try to live a life detached from reality (usually characterized by a false defeatist mantra of “life sucks”), this can translate into trying to live vicariously through others (i.e. parents’ expectation for their children, friends expectation of friends, etc.) because we relinquish accountability for ourselves. Sometimes, we expect so much more from people other than ourselves, that we forget that we are the only person that we have the most over. The foremost person we should expect anything from is ourselves, and the rest is just icing on the cake. We all have the infinite potential to create an inspired, joyful life; but only if we believe that there is more to life than our current difficulties.
Whenever we revisit the past, we must make sure to enjoy the good moments as much as we scrutinize our bad moments. It’s easy to spend time scrutinizing every mistake you’ve ever made – who else besides us knows every mistake we’ve ever made? But for some reason, it’s so easy to forget the things we do correctly: the good decisions. The decisions where present-day you would be proud of younger you for making that choice. Most of us (when invited) would easily celebrate the victory of a good friend or someone else we care about, but why do we forget to celebrate our victories as greatly as we scrutinize our pain? Perhaps we’ve contlditioned to look for the faults in others, instead of improving ourselves, because the former is much easier than the latter – judging others is easy, yet changing ourselves requires a lot of failure, pain and introspection. Is there a painless way to learn? No. Pain is an integral part of the human experience. Suffering however is optional. What we choose to do with the pain is what ultimately transforms us into the person we want to become. We’ve learned to become who we are from the pain of our mistakes. Pain is guaranteed, but suffering is optional.
Jay-Ram 