Tag: Irony

Wednesday

~ Jay-Ram ~ Leave a comment

Wednesday doesn’t exist. The days of the week don’t mean much to us anymore, because we often don’t even know what day of the week it even is. It’s almost like we turn on autopilot on Monday, and we don’t snap out of it until someone mentions that it’s “almost Friday.” It’s as if we live in a trance, inside the artificial world of our workplace where in order to to have financial freedom, we play the role of an extra in a really shitty theatre play, interacting with other uncommitted characters.

Most of us are wise enough to know that most jobs aren’t designed to create wealth, but rather help us make just enough to survive and help pay rent and minimum payments on our loans. And yet, we still participate in the race because it is more acceptable than branching out and doing something of our own.

We need equity in companies, investment in ourselves and businesses and a lot more education (financial and spiritual) to exit the rat race, and actually begin to not only taste freedom, but handle it well. To be independent, we must take risks and begin to act as independent people. And then, we can work with other equally independent people to develop our own inter-dependent network.

But for any of this to happen, we must begin to start snapping out of this trance, this autopilot, the illusion of a dream-killer: that we always have tomorrow. We can’t really live today in constant anxiety of securing our future when that anxiety is what prohibits us from taking risks and taking the actual steps to building a better today, each day. The future will eventually arrive, but let’s not drug ourselves with a paycheck until we finally get there. Let’s meet it as if we were preparing to meet a good friend–intentionally and consciously–and preferably in good health.

6 Ways To Confirm If You’re Following Correct Advice

~ Jay-Ram ~ Leave a comment

“Work hard, eat right, and sleep well.” Whenever we hear a cliché response such as this for success advice, I’m sure a certain friend, relative, or perky fitness trainer comes to mind. For me, it’s my cynical old grandmother. Chances are, they probably aren’t superstar-level successful since they can’t apply what they teach. This checklist is a serious effort to make sure that you are succeeding. Just don’t take it that seriously though. Seriously.

You can’t fall asleep when trying to going to bed, and have difficulty waking up the next morning. Sound familiar? Excellent. I’ve had the same problem many times. This means that you’re too busy stressing out about the things you want, should, or could be doing better with your life – or maybe you just have kids and annoying gardener that makes too much noise —  either way, getting a good amount of sleep clearly indicates that you are living a stress-free life. If you’re sleeping, you’re not succeeding. If you suffer from getting a good amount of sleep every night, here are some ways to prevent it: listen to the radio, eat sugary foods, or try self-manufactured cocaine if you want a calorie-free option. It helped Charlie Sheen succeed, it might just work for you.

  •  Eating out daily like a wealthy food critic

I really love sleep. So why sacrifice time making food, when you can catch up on valuable sleep? You’re already lacking sleep from a busy schedule of being productive. Only people who have time to waste can actually sit down at the table and enjoy breakfast. Eating out constantly means that you have the ability to fork out $10-20 dollars per meal because of a well-paying job. So that means you are already succeeding financially! If you don’t have the money to eat out constantly, try eating for free at weddings. You just need to find a plan to sneak in somehow.

  • You get a lot of unexplained headaches

Ah yes, the best indicator of success: if you’re not getting headaches, you’re not using your brain enough. Like any other muscle in the body, the brain gets sore if you use it too much. Thinking exercises the brain. Migraines are EVEN better because, unlike regular headaches, they feel like an ax splitting your head open. That means your brain is growing at an unprecedented rate – and a big brain can always help you succeed. If you’re not getting headaches, try getting less sleep and eating out more frequently. This way, you can develop high blood-pressure and abnormally high triglyceride levels. If you’re worried about gaining weight, you can always order exercise equipment off of a crappy infomercial, or watch YouTube workout videos of mid-western ninja masters.

Whoa, hold on Jay-Ram! You promised six tips, yet you only gave us three. Way to mislead us! 

No, no I totally gave you six! Just re-read the beginning of the post 😉

Have a list of your own? Forgot to add something? Feel free to share your thoughts below!

You Might Be Racist If You Didn’t Know This Little Fact

~ Jay-Ram ~ Leave a comment

I failed an exam pretty badly last year, so this year I changed it up a bit. I decided that I would ace every single exam by doing study groups with people. Teachers always recommend study groups, but they don’t tell you that all the one’s that get A’s are hiding away in their basements, studying themselves; and the material. So instead, you get stuck with studying with hollywood wanna-be’s and straight-C students. Like this one time, I decided to do a study group for an exam with some Asian kids. The professor recommended doing the study guide before the exam day, but procrastination recommended I do it tomorrow to keep the material “fresh.” In the middle of studying, one of my Middle-eastern friends decided to put on her headphones and listen to music (In case you were wondering, Middle-Eastern is also Asian, like Russians are Asian…you racist). The music was so loud, we could hear it through her headphones, and she even sang along with the lyrics! People looked at us in the study center with huge open eyes. I couldn’t tell if she was just bad at singing, or if it was just the foreign lyrics. We kept telling her to shut up her miserable American Idol audition, but she refused by calling us racists. I did not understand how telling her to shut up her ethnic singing in a quiet area is a suppression of her culture.

We all felt hopeless about this exam, and mentally checked out long ago. My friend decided that the best time to learn about her people would be…now. She proceeded to take out her smart-phone, and started teaching us random facts about her people. I was annoyed at her until she read me a fact that stated her ethnic group is almost extinct.

Did Darwinism take over because her ancestors pissed off the neighbors by singing cultural songs all day? I’m sorry you just realized that you don’t have a bubble on the National Census sheet, but we have an EXAM in an hour. I don’t care if I pass with a C, but afterwards I have to go work on my screenplays to submit to Hollywood!